Beginning and Ending with Gratitude

I’ve experimented with gratitude for many years. It started with wanting to believe in its value, and then came a messy middle where I’d freeze up and feel insincere and awkward. I had to build the courage to notice and appreciate others, and to my surprise, it turned out to be less a noble deed for them than an energy store for me, one I could draw on to great effect.

Even in the face of extreme difficulty, there is much to be grateful for. Gratitude is a choice: we can always focus on what and who we’re grateful for, and that helps us get grounded and build the energy to move forward when a situation seems intractable. As a student and practitioner of complexity, I’m always looking for differences that make a difference, and practicing and expressing gratitude is one of them.

During a three-month international assignment in China, I ran several workshops for coaches, and near the end I ran a gratitude workshop I had learned from Dr. Glenda Eoyang. I knew it would be impactful. What I didn’t know was that it would send out ripples of positivity. One of my associates there recently reached out to tell me, delightedly, how much she loves it and how she has since facilitated it in different settings, including an extended leadership team meeting. It spoke to her, and she’s seeing the same spark light up in others. (I intend to write up instructions for the workshop in a later post.)

None of this should be earth-shattering. It’s common sense, and it’s simple. Yet people are often surprised when I thank them for something they did, for the bright smile they brought to work, or just because I’m grateful to see them. It’s simple, but it isn’t easy without deliberate practice.

One of my mentors helped me see my own limits when he asked me to thank five people every day until it became an unconscious habit. And man, was it hard! I made excuses and said it felt weird. As hilarious as it sounds, he told me I should be 50% done before I even left for work, just by thanking the people in my household. He wouldn’t let me get away with excuses, and I’m grateful to him for that. Now, whenever I offer thanks or reinforcing feedback, I build up my energy reserve and feel more positive throughout the day.

I’ll leave you with a meeting warm-up I love, and I encourage you to try it with your team.

Invite people to answer one question about gratitude. You might ask “What are you thankful for?” or change it up, because the possibilities are limitless. Pick just one question, and model the behavior by going first. Here are two I’ve used:

• What fills you with gratitude right here, right now?
• As you reflect on the past day, week or month, who do you feel thankful to?

Now it’s your turn!

Read part two of this post.